Dear Mom..

I know that they always say it is best to write a letter to someone about how you feel, even if you never actually give it to them. Maybe somehow it is therapeutic to participate in this exercise without actually making the other person feel bad? Or actually make the other person think about what it is that they are doing – and whether they are hurting themselves or not, they might actually be hurting other people along the way. This is just one of those letters that I’ve decided to write to my Mother after speaking to one of my sisters this morning on the phone:

Dear Mom,

I know that times have been rough and there has been a lot of change in all of our lives ever since you and dad divorced. I try my best to be as supportive as I can, even though sometimes I don’t think that you are 100% supportive of me. But, then again – there is that unconditional love.

Between the email you sent the other day and our conversation on the phone I’ve had to take some time to think about the situation. What might I be able to do to help out in this situation? What have I tried to do to help out in this situation? What have you and Step-Dad done together to try and correct the situation? Has any of my advice been considered?

When you first told me that you were going to try and go for a short-sale with the bank, I told you that even if you do that, where would that leave you? I explained to you that a short-sale will affect your credit score, granted not as much as a full foreclosure, but enough where it will make it difficult for you to get another mortgage on a house. We also discussed the fact that you do not have any savings to be able to put down on a new house, so you essentially would need to be borrowing 100% of the cost of a home. Again. You didn’t put any money down on this current house, correct?

If I remember correctly, you explained to me that your realtor discussed all of these points with you and did not see there being any kind of issue in purchasing a new home, with 100% financing after closing on a short-sale with your current home. Are you sure this person has any idea what she is doing? Has she had a paper bag over her head and worn earmuffs? McDonald’s has gone to investment banks for funding three times in the last 10 months to borrow money. McDonald’s. They have been denied 3 times. Now, McDonald’s has far more capital to put against any type of loan than either you or I could imagine, but they were denied. Why would she think you could get a mortgage?

Did you stop to think that maybe she was looking for yet another realtor fee on the same house and not for your best interests? But, who are you going to listen to; your 25 year old son or your realtor. I can see how easy of a decision it was.

I can’t even begin to count the number of times that your daughters and I have mentioned the fact that you are living well beyond your means. We all think you could easily handle the mortgage, despite the increase due to your property taxes changing. When we talked the other day you mentioned that your mortgage was increasing by about $277 per month. When I asked you how much money you were currently paying on the fifth wheel camper (that you have not used once in the last 13 months) you said $400 per month. Not to mention, if you were to get rid of the camper there wouldn’t be any need for Step-Dad to have the gas guzzling truck that he currently has. How much is that setting you back a month? And gas? And insurance?

I understand that you think you are just another victim of the housing bubble. But the one thing that you are missing is that the majority of the people who are losing their homes to foreclosure have taken the necessary steps to purge waste and are still unable to afford their homes. They have gone down to one car for the household. Cut out premium cable channels. I don’t think you are a victim of the housing bubble, I think you are merely a victim of your own selfish wants or unable to tell Step-Dad, 'Enough is enough!" Now, don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with selfish wants – as long as you can afford to keep the roof over your head while indulging in the extras.

RN Saver and I talked this morning about the situation. Little did I know I was the absolute last person to find out about where everything has come to head? Not to mention, the $500-700 laptop you purchased at Wal-Mart a few months back. How many laptops do you currently have in that house? As well, I’d have to say that I am appalled that you would allow Step-Dad to turn your being ill and having to take time off from work a few months back as the reason for a missed mortgage payment. Wouldn’t you agree that if you had not been paying all of the money on ‘toys’ you might not be in this situation? Maybe you would have had enough saved to be able to cover that mortgage payment, or maybe two?

I commend you for deciding to live in a rental, since your aspirations to stick around after retirement (do you have retirement money?) are lacking. I am just surprised that you still think that hanging on to the fifth-wheel, when you are going to have to pay even MORE money to park it at a storage center, is a good idea.

I had thought about offering to give you that mortgage payment you missed with the agreement that you would get rid of the fifth-wheel camper and other unnecessary expenses. I don’t think that would happen. And frankly, I don’t think that helping out financially is the right thing to do for you.

I’ve spoken my mind and tried to offer you what I think would be the best solution to your problems, and I don’t know if it is the Mother:Son dynamic, but I don’t think you have taken anything I’ve said into consideration. With that in mind, I would prefer that going forward; we not talk about your financial situation. I don’t want to hear about it.

Unconditionally, I love you too. But I hate the decisions you are making.

Your son,

Mr. Findep Man